How a gambling support circle works (and what helpers see)
If you need to talk to someone tonight: call 1-800-GAMBLER or text 800GAM. Confidential, 24/7, for families too. In a crisis, call or text 988.
If someone asks you to be their helper, you may wonder what that means. It is a smaller job than you might think, and it is meant to help the relationship, not strain it. Here is a plain description.
What a helper is
A helper is a person the user trusts. They are one of up to four people in a circle. Their role is to be told when something important changes, and to say yes or no when an unlock is asked for. They do not need to watch over the person's shoulder.
What helpers see
- A message if protection is switched off or about to end.
- An unlock request, with a way to approve or decline.
- Optional casino alerts that name the casino, never a map.
- A short weekly note: how the week went and how many times the block screen came up, with no site names.
- A note if the phone stops checking in.
What helpers never see
- Messages, calls or browsing history.
- Bank balances or transactions.
- Where the person is. The one exception is the optional casino alert, which names the casino and nothing else.
Approving or declining an unlock
When someone asks for an unlock, every helper gets the request. Everyone has to agree, and then there is a one-hour wait before anything unlocks. Any helper can still cancel during that hour. You can say no. A no is a kindness when the request comes at 2am, and you can say it without an argument. Reply with care: "I love you. Not tonight. Call me in the morning."
Setting boundaries
- Agree when you can be reached, and when you cannot.
- Agree what you will do and what you will not, such as lending money.
- It is fine to step back. Tell the person and the other helpers.
More on how to help and how to set the passcode.
Looking after yourself
Helping someone can weigh on you. Gam-Anon holds meetings for families and friends, and a counselor can help you too. 1-800-GAMBLER will point you to local help. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
Winner's Win is an iPhone app that puts people you trust in charge of the key. Your helpers never need the app.
Questions
What is a helper?
A person you trust who agrees to hold the key with you, get told if protection goes off, and answer unlock requests.
Can a helper see my bank or messages?
No. Helpers do not see your messages, your browsing or your bank accounts.
Where can families find support?
Gam-Anon holds meetings for family and friends of people who gamble. 1-800-GAMBLER can also point you to local help.